Divorce & Remarriage

This week's lesson was something very important but also not talked about all that much. Unfortunately it is a trend in our society to divorce and remarry, and nowadays those who have been raised by both their biological parents and neither of them have divorced are the weirdos. I was very lucky to be raised by both of my loving, biological parents and growing up seeing so many peers with divorced parents, I did start to feel like the odd one out. Because of so many divorces, there is a lot of blended families all over the world, and how to function in these can be a difficult subject. For the non-biological (step)parent, they should take on an uncle/aunt role and not participate in any harsh discipline to begin with. They are mainly there for the children to be a good example, and take genuine interest in their lives and develop a relationship. I've fortunately never had to experience the difficulties of a blended family, but with the right knowledge I believe it could be a very rewarding experience.

Fathers & Finances

The father of the family has always been stereotyped as the provider, and this usually is the case. Although, in today's society there seems to be a shift towards more dual-income homes or single mothers working to provide for their families. There is nothing wrong with mother's feeling the need to do something else productive outside of the home, but family should always be the first priority. The first few years of a child's life are especially crucial in having the mother in the home, and studies show that children who grow up with their parents spending the majority of their time outside of the home have a more difficult time going into adolescence and adulthood. Not everyone is fortunate enough to live comfortably with just one provider in the home, and this is understandable. Although, in studies it has shown that a lot of the time when a second parent is working usually it costs more for them to go to work than the actual second income they are bringing in. Costs such as gas, childcare, and purchasing food outside of the home rather than cooking play a big role in this. I believe that the mother misses out on a lot of bonding and teaching opportunities when they spend a lot of time out of the home such as cooking together, cleaning together, playing together, and simply providing the comfort for their children that they are always there. I don't plan on being a working mom, but if I did I would at least wait until my kids were old enough to not to need a babysitter. Father's are capable of providing the luxury of allowing the mother to spend more time with the children, and when dad comes home he is greatly appreciated by everyone in the family. The father's role is equally as vital and important as the mother's, and they both work together.

Communication & Mutual Problem Solving

As we've all been socialized, we know that there are many other forms of communication besides verbal. In fact, verbal is the least important when compared to body language, and tone. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it". That is why it is important to watch the way we are saying things because someone could get the complete wrong message in which we meant to send. If we want to have open communication with our family and friends we can't hold back and add negative flavors to our language that give mixed signals. Sarcasm can be the deadliest weapon of language, and hurt others even when we are not meaning to. If we have problems within our families we shouldn't be afraid to counsel with each other and speak honestly about what we are feeling. Without doing this, a lot of issues could be smothered under the surface until they grow into resentments and distance us from the ones we love. Communication is probably the most important factor in any relationship, especially between husband and wife. If you aren't able to talk to each other, you can't do much of anything useful together.

The Family Under Stress

Stress is not a foreign issue to families anywhere. As Leo Tolstoy said, "all happy families are alike, but all unhappy families are unhappy in their own way". Happiness is really a simple thing, but it becomes complicated through life stresses, especially those we experience in the home. I agree with the statement that when the Mother of a family is happy, everyone's happy, but when she's unhappy so is the rest. Growing up it seemed that whenever my Mom was having a bad day, so was everyone else. Every family experiences a crisis from one time to another either large or small. How the family decides to respond to that says a lot about that family's system. In some cases, members of the family will push their loved ones away while others become more attached. Although in almost all cases, after a crisis the family grows a lot closer. Coping with stress is a very difficult subject, and it is important not to cope inaccurately or it could lead to many other problems. Examples of this are become reliant on drugs and alcohol. Which in the end, doesn't help the individual come to terms with their struggles but only postpones it and makes it worse in the end. If we could only trust our family enough to rely on each other during hard times we would be rewarded immensely.

Sexual Intimacy & Family Life

This week's lesson stimulated a lot of interesting discussion about something very important in married life: sex. Although, contrary to popular belief, this is not the most important thing in a marriage. It's not even top 5. Nonetheless, as Bro. Williams said, depending on how your sex life is going it can determine how the relationship is going in lots of other areas. A huge problem in the world today is sexual sin. People don't give sexual intimacy the respect it deserves and abuse their power to participate in it outside of marriage. Personally, I believe that outside of marriage, sex doesn't make a relationship better; it only complicates it. It can lead to all sorts of trust issues and jealousy when that level of intimacy doesn't match the level of commitment. Something I took away from this week that really stood out to me was the levels of intimacy that coincide with levels of commitment. Intercourse only falls under the commitment of marriage or it throws off all sorts of other factors in a relationship such as trust, and reliance. Another thing I learned is that in a marriage, you pretty much have the freedom to behave how you want in the bedroom as long as both spouses are okay and aren't being degraded.

Transitions in Marriage

This weeks lesson is the one I needed the most so far. My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage and we're ready to start preparing ourselves for it. There are going to be a lot of sacrifices and adjustments we are going to have to make and we need to try our best to be ready for them. Living together is going to be a trying time in making those compromises together, but I am really excited for it. One of the most important things we need to remember is that our relationship is between each other and God is at the top of the triangle. As long as we remember that, we will endure our trials easier. But in the family unit, the relationship between husband and wife comes before any relationship with the children. If the parents relationship isn't functioning, then there's no way the other relationships can function. Having children to begin with is a huge adjustment in a couple's life and something mother's usually have to face is the baby blues. That dramatic change of having a baby can be hard to comprehend but with a strong marital relationship and confidence in the future, it can be dealt with and children can enhance the lives of the parent's greatly. I'm excited for these future steps in life and I think this class has prepared me substantially.

Preparing for Marriage

I loved this weeks lesson because we talked a lot about the reality of dating and marriage. Too many people buy into the Cinderella fallacy and believe that they will find their perfect "prince". There is no one perfect person out there it's all about who we choose and how we make it work. Usually we tend to be with those we have most in common which include those we have grown up with. This is true in my life; my boyfriend Aaron and I have been dating two and a half years and we are from the same ward at home. We understand each other and have had a lot of similar experiences. Aaron and I are best friends because of our similarities and I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course we have our differences but that is needed to balance a relationship. The dating attitude I've seen here is, in a word, ridiculous. My roommates tell their "boyfriends" after 2 days of dating they they're in love with them. They go through boys like candy and I'm pretty sure it's because they're scaring them away. People need to realize that they can't rush a good and lasting relationship they have to let it develop through quality time together, and that's how I think marriage is going to be too. A lot of quality time that continually improves the relationship.

Gender & Family Life

This week was very interesting because we learned a lot about same-sex attraction which is something I've never known a lot about. In studies it shows that a lot of homosexual males have troubled relationships with their fathers, and a lot of what their same-sex attraction is about isn't just sex but having intimacy and a close relationship with another man, which is something they didn't have growing up. This isn't always the case but a lot of the time it is. Another reasons for same-sex attraction is the environment. Some boys just tend to act more feminine, and there's nothing wrong with that until people start telling them their gay. After so long of hearing that, some are convinced that they are. Also, when people experiment they think that because they experienced arousal with a same-sex partner means that they are homosexual, when really we are just sexual beings and naturally react to sexual circumstances. The church doesn't want to ostracize the gay community, we just believe that a traditional marriage between man and a woman is the way God intended.

Social Class & Cultural Diversity

Unfortunately society always separates people into categories, either good or bad. This week we decided if all cultures were equally valid or not. My answer was yes and no. Everyone has the right to live their own culture unless it is impending upon the rights of others. Hating diversity is actually what got Germany into the mess of killing millions of innocent people, and that is unacceptable. That is the kind of culture that is not valid; one who doesn't care about the life of others. I think a lot of what we have to celebrate in life is diversity because it keeps life interesting. If two people were exactly alike one of them would be unnecessary. God didn't create us all the same, he wanted us to be different and have something special to bring to this life. Being a part of the LDS culture is a huge blessing because we have members around us that can uplift us and not make us compromise our standards and that's a comfort to me.

Understanding Family Dynamics

This week we learned a lot about how families work and the systems within them. This led me to analyze my own family and see where we fit into the category of systems. My family centers around my Mom which probably isn't too unusual from the norm. She pulls us all together no matter what someone is going through and loves us through it all. Whenever we are going through hard times we usually break the tension through humor and jokes. We are always capable of having fun together and laughing things off which is what I love the most about my family. My Dad is a source of strength and inspiration to all of us; he's overcome a lot in his life and has made a wonderful life for all of us. I look up to my parents so much and hope to raise my kids similar to how they've raised me. My siblings and I definitely wouldn't be as close if it weren't for my parents and I'm definitely grateful for that!

Family Relations is probably the one class I'm actually excited about taking this semester. Over the past year or so I've realized a lot of new things about myself including my desire to have a marriage and start a family. Luckily my boyfriend is on the same page! It did take some encouragement of course.. I love how being "perfect" was described in class. Because growing up I always felt I needed to try and be "perfect" but I didn't know what that meant. I've made plenty of mistakes and never considered myself to be perfect, only human. Having trials and hardships is what builds our character and ultimately blesses us. I don't think struggling in life is something to be ashamed of because only then are we able to relate and connect with those around us. No longer do I wan't my life to be "perfect" in the sense that nothing goes wrong, but I wan't my life to be perfect in the sense that I'm surrounded by friends and family who love and support me and I have confidence in myself to withstand the rain and have my days in the sun! I'm looking forward to a great semester and to learning so many things to prepare myself for the journey to come :)